


go now and sew your heart to my sleeve

by EffervescentYellow



Series: across the rolling dales of heather [1]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27097690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffervescentYellow/pseuds/EffervescentYellow
Summary: “How have you been?”“Alright.”Thomas sighed, “Now we’re not going to start here again, are we?”Richard looked away from his face and down to where their hands were resting together against his knee and shook his head slightly, “I’ve been… so tired, Thomas,” and when he looked up again Thomas could see it plainly in his eyes, “I’m so exhausted.”
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Series: across the rolling dales of heather [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154012
Comments: 18
Kudos: 111





	go now and sew your heart to my sleeve

Thomas wasn’t used to it not being him.

At first he didn’t even worry; it didn’t really register to him what exactly was happening, because Richard was still sending letters almost every other day and they were still always signed with _your darling_ or _your dearest_ or _your most constant companion,_ but they were barer than usual, more limited in terms of what he would write. There was no shortage of news from his travels or the palace at large, but the usual ramblings about how he was were missing when Thomas went back to check later.

And then he called with seemingly nothing to say, and Thomas was rather convinced. Telephone calls from London weren’t free, mind you, and if he just wanted to hear his voice he would have said so straight out as he had in the past (or at least Thomas presumed that he always would because Richard tended not to be nearly so shy about these things).

When Thomas answered the telephone, Richard didn’t even reply with his usual coy _Good evening, Mr. Barrow_ , and instead just breathed out deeply, “Thomas.”

“Is everything alright, Richard?”

“Yes, of course,” Richard said too blithely and moved to ask about Thomas, which Thomas obliged for a while, not wanting to rush things terribly. He spoke for a minute about the most recent escapades of the upstairs children and could almost hear Richard’s soft smile over the line as he hummed in attentive replies, but when there was finally a lull over the phone, Thomas circled back.

“How are you doing, Richard.”

“I’m alright.”

It was a short reply and rather uncanny for the man who was always _very well, thanks_.

“Are you sure?” Thomas tried to ask gently, though he wasn’t always convinced that gentleness was his strong suit, whatever Richard might argue.

“Mmh,” Richard hummed noncommittedly.

“Dick,” Thomas pressed, and then when he didn’t hear anything more than the light static of the line, “Darling,” circumspection be damned – the telephone operator surely had better things to do than listen in – and Richard let out a small, frustrated sound and Thomas sighed.

“I’m-“ Richard started but seemed to be floundering for words. It was unsettling. He was always so uncompromisingly verbose.

“..not alright?” Thomas suggested.

Richard let out another deep breath, “I’m not sure.”

“In what way?”

“I’ve just been… out of sorts I suppose? Feeling rather glum lately, if I’m honest,” Richard replied, not sounding nearly so self-assured as usual.

Thomas bit his lip. How he would give anything to be there with Richard right then. “I’m glad you called then,” he said softly, “I’d say I’m rather an expert on the subject.”

Richard made a sharp sound on the other end, a mix between a cough and laugh, “Jesus, Thomas.”

“I just mean you’ve no need to feel embarrassed about it is all.”

“I’m not.”

“Is that so?”

“…no.”

“Right then. Well don’t be. We both know you’ve been here plenty of times when I’ve been feeling off, it was only a matter of time before we switched places,” though having known what it was like to feel terribly glum, Thomas wished they didn’t have to switch places at all. He didn’t want Richard to ever feel half of what he had, and if he was perfectly honest, he wasn’t sure that he could be half as comforting as Richard had ever been when Thomas was the one calling him late at night with too much on his mind. “May I ask what’s troubling you?”

“You may, but I’m not really sure I have a good answer.”

“Mmh, no, there’s not always a clear answer is there?” Thomas hummed in agreement, “Then is there anything I can do.”

“Talking now is helping,” Richard said, “And your letters of course – I always appreciate them as you know.”

“Wish I could do more,” Thomas said quietly, “Wish I could be there with you.” And he did. It had been almost four months since they’d seen each other around Christmas, and Thomas was aching for it himself, “I’d come to London right this second if I could. I do hope you know that, Richard.”

“I do,” he replied, voice sounding tight. He then paused for a moment before continuing, “Look, I’ve got a day or so I can take off at the end of the month, do you think…? Would you be able to take time as well? There’s no need to come all the way to London, mind, but to meet in Downton or somewhere halfway?”

Thomas took a second to check the calendar and didn’t see anything terribly important at the end of the month, “I’ll ask and write to you soon.”

“Alright.”

“You’ll be okay until then?”

“I’ll manage.”

Thomas pressed his lips together at that, “You don’t sound very convincing.”

“No, I’ll be alright. These things always pass, don’t they? Only I think I could speed it up by seeing you.”

“Call again if need be. I’ll be here no doubt.”

Richard hummed in response and was quiet for a bit before finally sighing, “I should go, it’s getting late.”

“No need to hang up until you’re ready.” Thomas didn’t want him to feel rushed.

“Thomas, if that were the case, I would never hang up on you,” he said fondly, and Thomas’ heart thrummed, always still amazed at how such caring statements could roll so easily off his tongue. “But I ought to let you sleep.”

“Goodnight, Dick.”

Thomas put the phone down on the receiver and rubbed his eyes. He imagined he wouldn’t be sleeping very well at all until he could see Richard again – worry already having settled itself quite firmly in his chest.

oOo

Thomas caught the train in Leicester almost four weeks later, having arranged for a full day off. Richard wasn’t scheduled to arrive for a couple of hours after him, so when he arrived in the city, he went first to look around the nearby streets for an affordable place to stay for the night, too jittery to just sit and wait at the station.

At half past four he headed back to watch for the train and just before five the London one arrived, a scattering of businessmen disembarking for the weekend and then dear Richard, with his dark hat and handsome coat.

He looked exhausted – right battered really – but when he glanced about and saw Thomas, his eyes crinkled with a genuine smile, and he hurried over.

“Hello,” Thomas said lamely, but he was smiling, too. How could he help it with this man around?

“Thanks for meeting me here,” Richard said softly.

“You know I’d never refuse of my own accord.”

Richard reached out and brushed his fingertips across Thomas’ wrist – inconspicuous but decidedly there, his face longing, “It’s been much too long since I’ve seen you.”

“I wholeheartedly agree,” Thomas squeezed his arm quickly, “Let’s go? I found an inn nearby.”

Richard nodded, and they set off. He kept close to Thomas the whole way down the street, brushing against his shoulder as they walked, and Thomas kept stealing glances, noting the dark circles under his eyes.

When they reached the inn, Thomas insisted on paying for the room, Richard’s salary be damned; it wasn’t as if Thomas had anything else to save up for anyhow.

Before heading upstairs, Thomas glanced around the pub, “Are you hungry at all? We can eat first if you like.”

“Not particularly, but I’ll sit with you if you are,” Richard shrugged.

“No, I ate on the train,” Thomas replied, and they headed upstairs, the innkeeper paying absolutely no mind to their actions.

Their room was small with two thin beds, but it didn’t matter. It was more than they’d had in months. Richard set down his case by the dresser and then Thomas helped him out of his coat, hanging both of their hats and coats up in the corner before coming back to sit next to where Richard had sat down on the bed. His shoulders were rounded over, hands hung limply between his knees, but his eyes were open and kind, looking at Thomas with such intensity that Thomas had to swallow and look away.

But this wasn’t meant to be about him.

Thomas reached over and took one of Richard’s hands in his, rubbing his thumb across the back in the kind of comforting rhythm he was used to Richard giving him.

“How have you been?”

“Alright.”

Thomas sighed, “Now we’re not going to start here again, are we?”

Richard looked away from his face and down to where their hands were resting together against his knee and shook his head slightly, “I’ve been… so tired, Thomas,” and when he looked up again Thomas could see it plainly in his eyes, “I’m so exhausted.”

“With work?”

“With everything, I suppose.”

Thomas felt his heart clench and had to try and reassure himself _he doesn’t mean you; he’s sitting here holding your hand, isn’t he?_ And Richard seemed to know exactly what he was thinking, putting a stop to it before it could spiral, “Not you, Thomas. Just…” he flipped his hand over so that it was gripping Thomas’ back, “Work and travel and keeping up appearances and navigating all the politics downstairs and sometimes it just gets so bloody hard to pretend…”

“You’ve never had trouble with that before.” And what a terrible thing that was to say. Absolutely stupid. Richard’s lips quirked into a small frown, and Thomas had to look away, wanting to drag those words back into his mouth.

“I’ve not ever had to pretend about you before.”

_Oh._

“…especially when all I want to do is shout from the damned palace roof that I’m in love with you.”

 _Well, knock me breathless_ , thought Thomas. “Oh, Dick,” Thomas whispered, reaching out and brushing through the hair around his ear. Richard leaned in and closed his eyes, brows knitted together.

“And believe me that I don’t want to seem ungrateful,” Richard continued, emotion high in his voice, eyes back open and practically pleading. Thomas doubted anything he was about to say was ungrateful, “because I know that I’m beyond lucky to have you and to have my family and all, but you’ve so many people in your corner at Downton, Thomas, and even though you might disagree, we’ve talked through it enough that I’d hope by now you’d understand how many people care about you, and here I am, in what is supposedly the most prized service job in the country, and not a single person I work with gives a damn about me.” He was gasping by the end, and Thomas felt ill, because he knew in all likelihood, Richard had been feeling this way for much longer than he’d let on.

Thomas took back Richard’s hand and rested it up against his chest, where he knew Richard could feel his own breathing. He tried to take deep breaths through his nose, and after a second or two Richard seemed to catch on. “How long’s it been like this?” Thomas asked eventually.

“It’s off and on, I suppose, but… really since Christmas.”

And Thomas thought back to Christmas, remembering their last night in York when Thomas had gone out to the back garden of his parents’ house for a nervous smoke, and Richard had joined him, with far too few layers on for the cold, and they’d stood there for what felt like ages not saying a word until Richard looked over at him with all the tenderness in England and said _I hope you realize how deeply I treasure you_ and Thomas had said _yeah, I do_ , and there it was: a love confession without saying the word but clear as day nonetheless. They’d managed a proper one the next morning, though Thomas thought he preferred the one in the snow – was so honest.

“Christmas changed things?”

“Solidified them.”

“Yeah, did for me as well.”

“But you’ve had people to tell,” Richard pleaded softly, and Thomas saw his point. He had told Phyllis, even if she’d practically had to drag it out of him, but he was glad she knew in the end. It was too much of a thing to keep locked away.

“I have,” Thomas admitted. Richard nodded and ran a hand through his hair, restless.

oOo

Thomas doesn’t even remember how they’d gotten to this point really, just remembers tugging at Richard’s lapel and saying _might be more comfortable if we get you out of this_ , and then suddenly he was against the wall with Richard’s hands pressing firmly against his shoulders, his face centimeters from his own – their breath mixing in the space between them. Then Richard moved forward and Thomas was the one melting, trying to catch up as Richard’s lips seared his own. He had their bodies pressed flush as he moved against him, and Thomas could feel his sense of desperation, that need to be close.

Thomas tangled his fingers into Richard’s so-carefully put together golden hair and Richard shivered, kissing his way across his cheek and down the side of his neck. At the base of his neck, Richard stopped, fingers working swiftly to undo his tie and the first few buttons of his shirt before just resting, head tucked against Thomas’ shoulder, breathing deeply against his skin, and hand pressed bare against the top of his chest.

“My God, I’ve missed you,” Richard breathed into Thomas’ neck.

Thomas leaned his head back against the wall and cradled Richard’s against him, other hand slipping down to draw meaningless patterns around his spine, “And I you.”

Richard pressed another kiss to the side of his neck before working efficiently at his shirt buttons and braces. As soon as they were off his shoulders, Thomas moved to do the same, Richard watching him attentively as he did so. Once his shirt was in his hands, Richard – ever the neat one with clothes – motioned for him to hand it back so that he could fold it and set in on the dresser. As he turned around to do so, Thomas brushed the backs of his knuckles across the side of Richard’s ribcage and the man shuddered so visibly that Thomas stilled. After a moment Richard leaned into the light touch as Thomas moved to place his hand more firmly across his ribs, but Thomas otherwise didn’t move.

“Where do you want this to go, love?”

“I-“ Richard turned back to look at him fully, eyes wide and wanting, but Thomas could see the uncertainty there as well. _How unlike him._

“I won’t pick for you, mind.”

Richard huffed out a small chuckle and a deep blush spread across his cheeks, but he didn’t break eye contact at all, “As you would say – rather crassly might I add – I’d like if you fucked me.”

Thomas choked slightly. _What a wonder this man._

“As I would say.”

“That’s how you’ve always asked before,” Richard smirked. It was the first time he’d sounded playful since arriving Thomas realized.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Of course, don’t be daft.” Thomas knew quite well what it was like to need to feel wanted in that way.

“Just – don’t want to pressure,” Richard continued looking at him closely, and it made sense. This would only be the second time they’d done it just this way, and the first time Thomas had admittedly been quite nervous. But he’d never felt pressured, not with a man who cared so deeply.

In answer, Thomas just shook his head and kissed him lightly. They each undressed themselves the rest of the way, with Richard folding everything in a way that was unbearably domestic. Once on the bed Richard curled up on his side facing Thomas, his long leg draped over Thomas’ hip. Thomas didn’t move to do anything at first other than kiss him deeply and let his hands wander across Richards chest and back and down the side of his leg, until Richard reached past him onto the bedside table and grabbed hold of the jar of Vaseline, bringing it back to place on the pillow next to Thomas’ head.

Thomas laughed, “Shall I take that as a hint, then?”

“I hope you would,” Richard replied coyly, and Thomas was glad to see his eyes lit up with laughter as well.

Thomas took some of the gel and warmed it between his fingers before reaching down between Richard’s legs. He watched Richard’s face as he began to circle his hole, just massaging the gel in, relaxing him, and was glad to see warmth and calm in his gaze. Thomas continued with that until he felt Richard start to move against him just slightly, and this time he took the hint without Richard asking.

He slicked up his fingers a little more and then began to slip one inside. Richard made a soft keening sound in the back of his throat and broke eye contact with Thomas to rest his forehead against his cheek. It didn’t take long before he was moving more purposefully either, canting his hips ever so to get a better angle, but Thomas wasn’t planning on speeding things up unless Richard actually asked, and he doubted Richard would yet. Thomas avoided the most tender spot for the time being, rather just focused on opening him up, and it was incredible feeling every twitch of muscle, every gasp. It was doing things to him as well, but it wasn’t about him at the moment. Only when Richard finally started making small noises and gasps against his shoulder did Thomas pull out fully to add a little more gel, making Richard shudder at the sudden loss of contact.

“Sorry, sorry..” Thomas murmured, “Is two okay?”

“Yes, dear Lord.”

“Name’s Thomas…” he chuckled as he shifted closer to press in, and Richard let out an almost hysterical laugh.

“Christ, _Thomas_ ,” Richard says, breathless, smiling.

“You’ve always much to say about the holy trinity in bed, Mr. Ellis,” Thomas continued to tease, feeling Richard relaxed enough against him to do so.

“It’s all sacrilege. Goes together I suppose,” he gasped as Thomas widened his fingers inside him, stretching, and then Richard pulled back again to look at his face, “Don’t mind if it is though. Sacrilege, I mean.”

“Yeah, you’ve said before.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t mind either.”

“Yeah,” Richard let out a shaky breath as Thomas twisted his fingers and then scissored them apart.

Thomas continued working his hand inside of him, and Richard was moving with intent now against his slow thrusts. His hands were trembling too against Thomas’ sides. Thomas dipped his head and nudged against Richard’s shoulder, planting light kisses along his flushed skin, trying to soothe.

Eventually Richard sucked in a heady gasp and whined, “Thomas, love, _please_ …” and Thomas figured he knew what he wanted. He crooked his fingers just slightly, not enough to make a difference really but enough to give a clear suggestion and Richard moaned, “Yes, love, yes.”

There was no denying that endearment – especially not when it was the first one from him all evening. He wondered if Richard knew what that did to him.

He likely did.

Thomas moved with purpose this time and Richard cried out before biting down hard on his lip. “Christ have mercy,” he gasped under his breath.

“The Pope really will be frowning now, darling.”

“Bloody good thing I’m Anglican.” Richard was smiling again yet also looked like he might cry from want.

Thomas kept at it and Richard seemed to be concentrating very hard on breathing through his nose, trying desperately not to make noise and still failing. He was practically shaking with the effort of it. Thomas leaned in and caught his lips to distract him and Richard moaned into his mouth, opening up immediately to allow Thomas’ tongue in. The warmth of Richard on his tongue and on his fingers made Thomas feel rather lightheaded. His own prick was throbbing between his legs by then, but he didn’t dare touch it yet, not when Richard was already so strung out. One of them had to stay coherent while doing this.

“Still this or more?” Thomas asked after a moment.

“More,” Richard gasped but then fluttered his fingers across Thomas’ arm, “But not-“ and then he floundered a bit, struggling to form sentences.

“Another?” Thomas supplied, and Richard nodded as Thomas pulled his fingers out slowly – probably achingly so.

Thomas shook out his wrist. It was starting to cramp if he was honest, but he wasn’t about to leave Richard high and dry at this state. “Why don’t you lie on your back?” he suggested gently, and Richard complied without a word, legs falling open without pretense.

Thomas gazed down at him, stretched out across the white sheets, his body flushed and already covered with a light sheen of sweat, his mouth open in a half-gasp. Thomas felt his heart lurch.

“You’re gorgeous, Dick. _Stunning_ …” Thomas breathed. Richard’s cheeks grew warmer, but he didn’t look away – not like Thomas would have done had they been in opposite places.

“Christ, I adore you.”

Thomas’ heart stuttered at that, and he had to bite his lip to keep steady. He pressed in slowly with three fingers, watching Richard’s face the whole time, the way he pressed back into the pillow, neck taut, and covered his eyes with the back of his wrist. Thomas stroked along his thigh with his free hand, and Richard’s prick twitched in anticipation, wanting, but he hadn’t asked for it yet.

It took only minutes before Richard was practically writhing against the sheets. He’d pulled his knees up to his chest and had taken to biting his thumb to try and keep quiet. Thomas reached up and brushed back the hair that had fallen across his forehead.

“Whenever you’re ready, love.”

“I- yes,” he stuttered, and then when Thomas didn’t move fast enough, he whined, “ _Thomas_ …”

“I’ll go slow,” Thomas replied as he slipped his fingers out for the last time.

“I know. I know,” Richard gasped, “You always do… so perfect.”

Thomas pressed a hot kiss to his sternum and then positioned himself against Richard’s entrance, feeling the slight resistance at first. “Breathe, sweetheart,” he mouthed against his chest.

“I am,” Richard whined, but then he did stop and inhale deeply, and Thomas could feel him relax.

He slipped his hand around Richard to press up against the small of his back, and Richard arched with it as Thomas finally pushed in, his own breath stuttering at the sudden heat and pressure.

“ _Oh_ ,” he moaned, “ _Richard_ …”

To which Richard just replied, “ _love_ ,” and wrapped his ankles around the backs of his thighs and arched up again.

It wouldn’t last and Thomas knew it, but it barely mattered at this point. It had been five months. Thomas could already feel the tightness gathering in his abdomen, but wasn’t about to do anything before Richard, who himself was now incoherent, just gasping, mouth hot against Thomas’ neck.

Thomas reached down between them and took Richard’s prick in his hand. He had barely touched him and already Richard was arched so far off the bed he was practically seated. Thomas gave a few more pulls when Richard grasped tightly around Thomas’ shoulders.

“Thomas… _fuck_ , love. I’m- I’m-“

“It’s alright,” Thomas breathed and pressed his thumb against the tip and then Richard was coming, and Thomas had to reach up frantically and press his hand against Richard’s mouth because _the sounds this man could make_.

After a moment he made one more small sound and then relaxed, limp really. He then bit Thomas’ fingers to make him pull off.

“Sorry,” Thomas gasped, yanking his hand back quickly, and stilled even though his heart was still beating frantically throughout his body, “I’m sorry, Dick-“ but Richard just shook his head, eyes closed, and made a hushing sound.

When Thomas didn’t move again for a second, Richard reached down and placed a hand against his lower back and pressed. “No need to stop,” he whispered tenderly, and so Thomas started moving again.

It took no time really. Thomas tried to warn Richard, but Richard just shook his head again and gripped his hips tightly, and Thomas came inside him – white-hot and trembling.

He’d never done that before.

It took them both a minute to catch their breath before Thomas was able move out from on top of him to lay by his side, arm draped across Richard’s heart.

Richard rolled to face him and caught his eye, “Thank you,” he said quietly, “I- needed that. Needed you.”

“Believe me that it wasn’t one-sided.”

“I do.”

Thomas held his gaze for a while longer, just watching the calm radiate from him. Eventually however he could no longer ignore the stickiness down below, and he knew it had to be worse for Richard. He got up and made for the sink on the opposite side of the room to fetch a warm cloth for them, and when he turned around Richard hadn’t moved, eyes still tracking him.

Thomas moved back to the bed and knelt above him, starting first with his chest. Richard sighed and eventually closed his eyes, though when Thomas finally reached down between his legs, he grimaced.

“Sorry,” Thomas moved back, “I can let you if you prefer.”

“No,” Richard mumbled, training his fingers down Thomas’ arm, “Isn’t unpleasant really, s’just – well – you know,” he shrugged, and Thomas did understand.

Once Richard was satisfyingly clean, Thomas took the towel to himself and then replaced it back before climbing back into bed with Richard and this time pulling the blankets up around them both.

“You’re a treasure,” Richard mumbled against his cheek.

“I’ve not got a penny on you, love.”

Richard frowned at him and pressed a hand firmly on his chest, “That’s rubbish and you know it.”

oOo

Thomas woke up sometime in the early morning with Richard no longer tangled up against him. He reached out across the sheets and felt nothing, heart suddenly tight in his throat before his eyes adjusted and he saw Richard’s tall silhouette sitting on the bed opposite.

“Richard?” he mumbled into the darkness and the figure looked up.

“S’alright. You can go back to sleep.”

“You’re up.”

“Woke up a bit ago and couldn’t find my way back to sleep.”

“You should have woken me.” It was a stupid thing to say but he wasn’t going to take it back, even when he could see Richard’s head tilt and knew he must be doing that thing he did with his eyebrows whenever Thomas said something ridiculous.

“Wasn’t going to wake you up so we both could suffer. Can’t see what good that would do.”

“Come back to bed?”

Richard did, but he didn’t lay down. Instead, he perched on the edge, chin in his hand tilted down to look at him.

“Sorry if I woke you.”

“Woke myself up, same as you,” Thomas replied.

“Drives me mad, spend all day dragging my feet I’m so tired and then when I get the chance to sleep I can’t – never very long at least…”

“I know,” Thomas said. Richard did look exhausted, and cold, the light in his eyes from the evening now dulled again. Thomas sat up and moved to sit next to him, pulling the blanket up around both of their bare shoulders, “Hard to sleep when the mind can’t settle.”

Richard nodded and then turned to look him in the eye, “Was thinking that maybe it’s time for me to leave the palace.”

He said it so simply that Thomas didn’t know what to say back, so he didn’t say anything, just moved to rest a hand against his knee and wait for him to continue.

“Don’t think I could make it the rest of my career there, not sane at least. It’s so cutthroat sometimes I wonder if I’ve already lost my way.”

“I doubt you have.”

“Still…” he sighed, “Doesn’t please me anymore. Don’t much care about prestige now that I’ve other things to care about.”

“Oh?”

“You.”

_Oh._

“You’d leave because of that.”

“I’d probably have left for less eventually, but yeah…”

“Truly?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged and then looked at Thomas carefully, cocking his head a bit as he did so. “Thomas,” he started and then paused. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, “Thomas, the two main reasons people ever leave the palace is because they get married or die… And I don’t plan on waiting until I die.”

It took a moment from Thomas to process that, but when he did, he felt a shock of fear spike through him so quickly that he flinched. Richard must have seen because he turned fully to face him and placed a hand on his chin.

“ _You_ , Thomas.”

_God help him._

“We can’t,” he said firmly, and even to him it stung.

Richard sighed and took his hand back, running it through his now-disheveled hair before looking up at him again, his eyes so honest it almost hurt, “I’m quite aware, but God, Thomas, I would give away everything for even the next best thing.”

Thomas knew he was gaping at him – stuck. The longer he stayed frozen the more distressed Richard looked, but he had no idea what to say that, not when he’d gone and sewn his heart on his sleeve so assuredly.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Richard said after a moment, even though it was plainly clear he was desperate for Thomas to, “but I suppose I wanted you to know.”

It was something to think about

He imagined he wouldn’t think about anything else really for the next month as least.

Thomas fumbled around until he found Richard’s hand in the dark and then brought it up to his chest against his heart.

“You’re a wonder, Dick Ellis,” he said finally, gently as he could, and Richard’s shoulders relaxed some.

Richard gave him a soft half-smile and then nudged him back down onto the sheets, “Let’s try and sleep again, shall we?”

Thomas didn’t bother reminding him that he was the one who hadn’t been able to sleep. He knew a conversation turn when he heard one.

Still, as they laid side by side, he could feel Richard’s fingers tapping against the pillow, restless, nervous.

Thomas bit his lip and reached out to brush through the soft hair framing his face, feeling Richard lean into his touch. He decided then to voice what had already settled into his chest (what had likely already been there, only yet to be overturned).

It was his turn now to choose his words carefully.

“I hope you know…” Thomas paused, and Richard looked up at him, eyes glinting wide in the darkness, “Were it a possibility, I would want nothing more than to marry you back.”

Thomas was quite sure Richard’s smile then was brighter than he’d ever seen before, darkness and all.


End file.
